In A Sigh

Oh how I love you...

In The Thick Of It

I'm still caught in the middle, with no intention of stopping whatsoever.

This is life for me now.

And, I think I love it.

Really

This is for real.
This isn't play anymore.
This isn't just screwing around anymore.

I have to trust him.
And I have to trust myself.
I find that as long as I am doing the right thing regarding this, that I will have no regrets in the future.

As I said before, I am irrevocably in love.

And I am suddenly wanting a souvenir that I dare not have...

After All This Time

It's 3 AM and I'm writing in a blog I have not opened in a year. This is just crazy.
I'm just bored and I've nothing else to do anyway.
I'm missing someone right now. Intensely.
He'll be back tomorrow, and that's great.
I'm too in love for comfort.
Again, I feel too much...
But so what?
I am in love and I'm happy about it. I know I shouldn't be, that's a given, but I am. I am irrevocably in love. I cannot deny its existence. And I cannot discount the things I'm doing to ensure that nothing threatens that love. Nothing.
Shit. I'm so deep in this. Too deep. Deeper than I can afford to be.
But I am here.
Oh yes, I am so here.

Spin

I'm alone again.
I know I'm always complaining of loneliness, despite the myriad of people around me.
There's just this loneliness that nothing can touch.
Nothing can.
And the emptiness haunts me too.

News

I've regressed again, I'm back where I started.
I hurt myself again.
I couldn't help it.
The emotional pain was just too much to bear. I couldn't take it anymore.
So there. I'm back to square one.

Silence

I am maimed.
I've got no words to say about this thing that's happening to me.
I don't understand it.
I was put on 30mg of Remeron for depression on top if my 5mg abilify, 6mg invega, 100mg lamictal, 2 mg biperiden and 2 mg clonazepam.
I hope it works out okay. I'm just feeling really tired right now.
I'll go to sleep now.