The Calm Before the Storm

That's how I feel today.
I don't know what to write when I'm happy. I don't do happiness. I don't do joy. It's always the sadness and loneliness that I can write about.
So here's my take: I'm not depressed today, I'm happy today. But you creep into my mind and pull me apart.
I hate this. I hate this quasi-life: thinking of you while everything is happening. Because your'e always at the back of my mind nowadays and I don't like it. I'll do everything in my power to push you out of my head.
I don't like running after things in flight. But I know, someday soon, things will reveal themselves before my eyes and I'm trying to prepare for that life. Trying to eek out a semblance of being stable even after the crash I will surely face.
Let's see. Let's just wait (and here I am an expert) and see (my mind is blindfolded to some degree).